Introverted and Loving It

Today is one of those days where I am just blah. Nothing profound is coming out of my mouth today, unless you count barking out orders as “profound”. Here I am sitting in Virginia surrounded by my family and one of my best friends and I can do is sit back sullen because I want take a huge set of pliers to my tooth. Man does it hurt. Ambesol is no longer rescuing me from this incessant pain. It’s not their fault that I’m not feeling well, yet I seem to be taking it out on them. What a friend/wife/mother right? Why was I blessed with the gift of making the lives of my family and friends a living…I won’t go there. But seriously I am not a queen, contrary to what I may think. I am just a simple person who has the ability to at times treat the people I care about the most like crud.

I recently took the Enneagram and scored as an Individualist or Number 4 which basically characterizes what I wrote above. I’m thinking back to an old episode of Seinfeld where Jerry had to go on the Today Show to promote his comedy tour, but Kramer’s girlfriend, the quiet talker convinced him to wear a pirate shirt. Jerry whines over and over again, “but I don’t want to be a pirate!” I hear myself uttering over and over again, “but I don’t want to be a number four!”

Tomorrow is another day. I’m off to apologize to my family and my BFF.

I survived the presentation and survived well. A big sigh of relief.

I have spoken at numerous events using many different arenas including telephone, VOIP, text chats and in person. Surprisingly enough, at least to me, I much prefer speaking either in person, using VOIP or via telephone because I can definitely think faster than I type. Because introverts like to think before they speak and formulate answers to questions before speaking many introverts seem to shy away from the telephone. There are many times that email and IM can be misinterpreted and misconstrued, which is one of the main reasons why I prefer the telephone or in person. Why I went off on this tangent, I have no idea.

Right now I am decompressing and seeking my sanity that has been lost over the past couple of weeks. We arrived in Virginia yesterday and we’re staying with Heather. As we drove South this weekend it began to feel like “home”…not necessarily Roanoke, VA but the South in general. We will definitely be praying to find out where God is leading us.

The weather is great and the company greater. We are looking forward to doing fun family things like miniature golf and the zoo. We’ve been there before…walked around the zoo twice…in an hour and a half. But our son loves it!

In just a few short hours I will be totally out of my comfort zone. That oh so comfy place that I live on a daily basis…how I’ll miss you…at least for a short period of time.

My name is Becki and I’m an introvert and I have a passion for helping business owners succeed in business, with my heart in business leaning towards introverts. I love talking with business owners, individually (keyword here) by telephone and IM, but today I am presenting to a group of about 20 at the OIVAC Convention. It’s an online convention so I can change the environment around me to make me a little more comfy. I speak to groups on a somewhat frequent basis, so it’s nothing new (except I am speaking on a brand new topic), but a little panic always sets in. This is true whether you are an introvert or extrovert. However I know that I will be totally drained after this experience. So think about your fellow introverted friend today…I’m going to need it.

Introvert Solutions

Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone on occasion. It’s ok and it stretches you. You are not pretending to be an extrovert, you are growing.

It’s time to come clean. I’m a closet Dr. Laura fan. If you stop and listen closely to what she has to say, she’s pretty spot on. Recently I picked up a copy of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and I’m blown away, ok absolutely blown away describes it better.

Before we go any further, I want to state that we are not having marital issues (OK Mother-In-Law, Mom and Friends), I just want to be a better wife. I know I’m not living up to my potential and change begins with me.

CAN ANYONE SAY CONVICTION? I’ve always known that I take advantage of my dear husband, but I had no idea how detrimental my actions were to his wholeness. As you can see my husband has a very soft side. Is he perfect no, but neither am I (honey don’t use this against me later). So what can I do to make our marriage better?

As an introvert I tend to be pretty self absorbed in my own little world. I internalize, analyze and compartmentalize many of my feelings and life happenings on a daily basis. With this internalization, I tend be stressed and unapproachable…not to mention snippy with those closest to me. So little by little, I am working on being a little nicer to those around me, especially my husband, stepping out of my comfort zone a little more and trying to let things roll of my back (which in all honesty can be easier said than done).

If you haven’t read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, I highly encourage it. I am going to post the description and one review from Amazon about the book. Now when I read the review from Publishers Weekly, part of the review resonated with me…”While many of her listeners and readers claim her unequivocal advice has salvaged teetering marriages and improved marital harmony, others perceive Schlessinger as a throwback to what many see as years of female oppression in the home.” The advice in this book does appear to take the women’s movement back a few years, but in the end with the few changes I’ve already started implementing, I can see a world of difference.

Book Description:

Women want to be in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Yet disrespect for men and disregard for the values, feelings, and needs of husbands has fast become the standard for male-female relations in America, often creating struggle and strife in what could be a beautiful relationship.

Countless women call Dr. Laura, unhappy in their marriages and seemingly at a loss to understand the incredible power they have over their men to create the kind of home life they yearn for. Now, in her most provocative book yet, Dr. Laura shows you—with real-life examples and real-life solutions—how to wield that power to attain all the sexual pleasure, intimacy, love, joy, and peace you want in your life.

Dr. Laura’s simple principles have already salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, even seemingly dead marriages and have changed the lives of millions. Now they can revitalize yours!

Book Review:

From Publishers Weekly
In her newest book, Schlessinger (10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives) relies upon her experience in private practice, radio and letters she received from men and women in tackling the issue of women who mistreat their men and suffer the consequences of unhappiness. The women who criticize their husbands in the stories that Schlessinger relates are depressed in their marriages and feel little love from their husbands. Unabashedly asserting that man is a “very simple creature,” who needs only “direct communication, respect, appreciation, food, and good loving’” to respond with devotion, compassion and love, this controversial marriage and family therapist claims that every woman can achieve a deeply satisfying marriage if she adheres to certain fundamentals men require. Preparing dinner, caring for the children without complaint, greeting her husband with a kiss and engaging in sexual intimacy instead of “tearing down a husband’s necessary sense of strength and importance” can result in the harmonious marriage women crave. While many of her listeners and readers claim her unequivocal advice has salvaged teetering marriages and improved marital harmony, others perceive Schlessinger as a throwback to what many see as years of female oppression in the home.

Sometimes I’m a teapot, shocking but true. I can easily be converted to a teapot when I deal with my extroverted son. As we read in yesterday’s blog post, he is famous for talking to strangers and putting me in some very awkward situations when out in public. Boy is a joy, but it’s very hard to parent an extroverted child when you’ve been surrounded by introverts your entire life. Boy is all boy, all energy and difficult to deal with if you’re not flooding him with constant contact. I love giving him the attention that he needs and requires, but by the end of the day I am drained, drained, drained.

Introvert Solutions

Believe it or not, I’m speechless. I have nothing to say. If you have a solution, let me know.

PS – Why am I sharing this with you? To be frank, I don’t quite know. There has to be others out there parenting a child who is your total opposite. I’m famous for advice to introverted business owners, but man, this parenting thing has me stumped. In my minds eye I believe that if it works in business it should work at home. But baby…it don’t.

I was tagged by Heather of Desperately Seeking Sanity. Thanks…I think.

Here are the rules. Each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about the seven things and the rules. You need to choose seven people to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

7 Random Facts About Me…

1. I once broke down in South Hackensack, NJ with a pregnant lady, a man at his wits end, a lilac point Siamese (being delivered to Boston) and was forced to stay in a hotel that rented by the hour on Christmas none-the-less. I was 8 and the pregnant lady was my mom, the man at his wits end was my step-father, the lilac point Siamese was Kiko (my grandmother’s new cat) and for the life of me I can’t remember the motel’s name. Needless to say I was scarred for life by this experience. The only restaurant open on Christmas was the Chinese restaurant that had NO POWER so we dined on pea pods by candle light. I think my parents shielded me from the horrors of the rent-by-the-hour-seediness.

2. I’m in the process of writing a cookbook, complete with my own recipes, no regurgitation here. I love to cook and I’m darn good at it too, now if only the Food Network would pick me up.

3. The most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done…I sucked the big toe of a radio disc jockey for 2 tickets to an Aerosmith concert.

1. I was young (20)
2. I was stupid (again…20)
3. Yes, the big toe was clean

4. Believe it or not, my snotty cat has his own blog called The Life of a Cat and he’s actually pretty funny. He’s bugging me for a MySpace profile and his own line of “Craptacular Cat Litter”.

5. I adopted an EXTROVERT child at birth who challenges me to step out of my comfort zone each and every day. He can make friends at the grocery store or on the street and even invites strangers and vagrants to our house. Like two weeks ago we went for a walk. Boy was talking to said stranger for about 3 blocks. Next thing I know said stranger is following us up the stairs to our apartment. HELLO! DUDE! Boy is 5 and just making conversation. Out darn spot out I say! I think everyone is now privy to where we live.

6. I wanted to be a nun until I was 9. Yes I’m being serious. Then I was told that I would never have a boyfriend, have sex or have a baby, so I changed my mind and wanted to be the next Dr. Ruth. Truth be told, I think I wanted to get a rise out of the nuns…it worked.

7. My BFF is Celiac so I started researching the disease and came across some very interesting information which made me wonder if I too suffered from a sensitivity to wheat. I made the switch to a wheat free/gluten free lifestyle. So far in two weeks I’ve lost 15 pounds, I have more energy and ummm….hmmmm…..my “IBS” has just about disappeared.

Now I have to pick seven? Come on people, I’m introverted and live in a box. Hmmm, who are the lucky ones?

* Karen @ Kreative Ramblings
* Rose @ Expert Business Results
* Dale @ Dale’s Ramblings
* Lisa @ Potty Prayers
* Fi Fi @ The Life of a Cat

I’m a rule breaker by nature, so I’m doing just five.

I was looking at another blog and I saw “what’s your bloginality”, needless to say I couldn’t resist.

My Bloginality is ISFP!!!

Wow! What a shocker!

So, what’s your “bloginality”?

For the heck of it I typed Introverts.com into Firefox just to see what would come up (No, I won’t even give them the courtesy of a hyperlink.). To my irritation this is what I see:

Most Relevant Link: Mental Health

Anti Depressant
Chronic Depression
Clinical Depression
Counseling
Depression
Depression Help
Depression Medication
Drug For Depression
Health And Wellness
Mental Health
Mental Health Treatment
Mental Performance
Mental Power
Psychiatry Jobs
Psychology
Psychotherapy
Seasonal Affective Disorders

Granted it’s one of those websites geared towards Google Adsense and affiliate links, but still. GIVE ME A BREAK.

As I pointed out in my May 1st post, introverts are constantly labeled, by the extroverts of the world, often based upon the actions of a few. The vast majority of introverts are not mentally ill, mentally unstable nor suffer from clinical depression. These disorders exist, but are proven to be evenly spaced amongst personality types. These labels are GARBAGE, I tell ya!

Introvert Solutions

One of the best books available on the market about introverts is The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney. This is a fabulous resource, created by an introvert for an introvert. Read it, absorb it and educate those around you. Together we can dispel the myths about introversion.

I was looking at a blog recently (Simply His) and I came across this great article about Evangelism for Introverts. One word…refreshing!

Before I devoted my life to Christ, I was put off by the evangelism tactics of extroverts. Personally, I prefer a little more subtlety and not the in your face way of most extroverts. Once in the church, I was confronted with the need for me to evangelize (believe me I understand the importance) but to be honest, it’s just not my cup-o-joe. Like the author of the article, I prayed and prayed to be more outgoing, but it has been shown to me time and time again that we are distinct individuals and we all have our own ways of operation. In just the past few weeks, I have come to the understanding, through the support of those around me that by me simply “caring” spoke volumes to them, more than Bible thumping ever would have.

Introvert Solutions

We all have different personality types and no one person has the best personality type. While we may in “a way” envy those with outgoing personalities, we DO touch the lives of those around us. Don’t try to be someone you’re not.

I will leave you with this quote from the article:

Colossians 4:6 describes the most effective approach to evangelism for introverts: Your speech should always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.

God hasn’t designed introverts to be aggressive in evangelism. He made them sensitive, patient and thoughtful-characteristics that will be extremely effective in the lives of others. Our responsibility, according to this verse, is to prepare. When God brings opportunity, our responsibility is to genuinely care for that person. When that caring leads to a faith discussion, it won’t be forced. It will be a natural expression of that caring.

Recently a friend came to me and said, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I never, ever take a nap, but on Sunday afternoons I am totally drained and can’t keep my eyes open.”

This friend is a borderline introvert/extrovert depending upon what stage of life she is in. In addition to that she is trying something new…church, which happens to meet on Sunday mornings. Basically I told her to take the nap that her body is desperately telling her to take. She is drained emotionally and physically from the number of people she is around, not to mention the information overload that is being experienced.

Introvert Solutions

Listen to your mind and body. Introverts need time to recharge from social situations so trust me, you are not alone.