Introverted and Loving It

I haven’t been paying much attention to this blog for the past two weeks, so please forgive me. I have been working on several projects and for some reason, mine always take a back burner.

Yesterday was the 4th of July and we attended what I thought was going to be a family get together of the immediate family of my husband’s. When most people think of a family get together they think 5-10 people. Well our immediate family on my husband’s side totals 20 if we are all available at one time. Our “intimate” family get together of 20 turned into 45 and was so not what I bargained for. Couple the 45 with the fact that it rained like cats and dogs the entire evening and you have one little introvert who was totally out of her comfort zone.

I tried to make the best of a bad situation (in my mind) and really stretch myself and get to know others. So I scanned the soaking wet yard and focused on those standing alone, away from the crowd. On the outer edge of the crowd, I met Earl, who is a furniture salesman in York, PA and he had alot of wisdom about life in general. Then I met Angel, a single mother of two, who works full-time and attends college full-time. She was a hoot and when we talked about her life and her future plans, her eyes lit up brightly.

While I could have stewed over my anger of my intimate immediate family get together of 20 turned 45, I decided to make the best of a bad situation (in my eyes). I took some time to get to know others and I was blessed by the experience. But when I came home, I crashed and burned and sleep came more quickly than usual. But you know…it was worth it.

Some final thoughts…not only was the company of fellow introverts fantastic, but the fireworks were spectacular and the caliber was totally unexpected, considering we were in someone’s backyard. My husband and I usually take our son to a professional fireworks display every year on the 4th of July, but from now on, I think I am going insist on attending this intimate family get together of 20 turned 45. Who knows…maybe next year we can up it to 70!

While surfing You Tube, I came across this cute video about introversion.

The description on You Tube is: Survive-in UST Introvert VTR. However, I think this leaves little be desired but the video itself is a cute little take on and explanation of introversion.

Enjoy!

My husband and I often hear from well meaning people, “come on level with me, you guys can’t be introverts, you’re so friendly and outgoing, you have to be extroverts!” One of the biggest misconceptions that introverts face is that they can be outgoing and social when need be, but it does not mean that they don’t feel it later. Let me explain.

Yesterday I was talking to a fellow INFP who gets the same response when she is out networking. Gobs of fellow networkers stare at her in disbelief when she tells them that she is an introvert. Their first response is “NO WAY!” Yes way! Like us, when she gets home she is exhausted and spent. Her energy is only replenished after of time of decompression and alone time.

As an introvert, when you are out networking, be sure to take the time to decompress and regain your lost energy. It is perfectly normal to feel very tired after a day or evening of constant socializing. When you are at the event, keep a pen handy and make notes on the backs of business cards because as the day or night goes on and the tiredness inevitably sets in, it is going to get harder and harder to remember what you want to say to each individual. Going to in-person networking events are a necessary evil when you are an entrepreneur or an employee of a company.

Remember to take each event in stride and prepare ahead of time for your alone time and decompression after the socialization period.

Becki

If there is one burning question that introverted business owners have, it’s “how do I market my business and get clients?”

The simplistic way of answering is, “you have to put yourself out there.” So what do I mean by that? You have to network, both online and in person. Many shudder when those words are spoken. It’s ok. Stop. Take a breath. Close your eyes. Take another breath. Inhale deeply. Exhale.

I found an article written by Nancy Ancowitz that appeared in the Wall Street Journal called Self-Marketing Rules For Successful Introverts, which sums up my feelings in a very eloquent way.

Later this week, I’ll add my take on it. But in the mean time I would love for you to answer the following:

1. How do you network?

2. What’s your preference? Why?

You can leave comments here or you can email them to me directly.

Wow! I was reading this article today Singing salesman makes Cowell’s jaw drop. I’m inspired and impressed…and even cried a little! The article does not state that Paul Potts is an introvert, but with the modesty he displays, I truly believe that he is.

Paul has overcome all sorts of adversity including a tumor, a shattered collarbone and a burst appendix. This is truly one amazing story.

Please take just a moment to view his performance. You’ll be impressed I’m sure!

I came across an article titled: Introverted IT students more inclined to cyber-crime recently and was quite intrigued. Towards the beginning of the article we are hit with:

The result might seem unsurprising, given the stereotypical image of computer geeks as socially inadequate.

What shocks me most is that this article and “research” is based solely on 77 students who responded to an anonymous questionnaire. Here is yet another piece of “research” that the media and other extroverts will use to further the introvert stereotype.

What are your thoughts?

Becki

I’ll be the first to admit that Steve Pavlina produces some great stuff, but now I’m a little torn. Today, while browsing through the archives, I came across a post from 2005 titled: How to Go From Introvert to Extrovert. To be honest, I was kind of ticked as I started reading the article, especially because I am comfortable with my introversion. I am not a social butterfly, but can be if put in the right situation, granted I am drained at the end. I don’t lack social skills, I’m not exactly comfy, but I can hold my own. Perhaps I do overvalue my online friendships, but I have more of a kinship with them than with acquaintances in my area.

Steve then goes on to give introverts advice for becoming extroverts. While this is great advice for those who want it, I just don’t get it. I am comfortable with who I am. My coaching clients are comfortable with who they are. We aren’t social outcasts who sit at home eating bon bons watching life pass us by through our window. Neither are all introverts sitting in the shadows waiting for life to happen. My husband and I are both introverts and successful entrepreneurs out to change the world, one business owner at a time.

Extroverts and introverts are wired differently, with distinct chemical makeups. Extroverts lack dopamine and have to work to replenish it. Introverts produce excess dopamine and suffer from overload. I am a believer that there are stages in your life where you can be borderline and perhaps shift all together, but it is not realistic to think that all introverts can automatically (or with hard work) shift from introversion to extroversion. Just like it’s not realistic to think that all introverts and dying to be extroverts.

Becki

We spent a few hours with my husband’s father (Doug) and step-mom (Cindy) today (they live in Orlando). They were up visiting her parents in Philadelphia so they drove 4 hours to be with us for the day. We had a fabulous time, but truth be told, I am pretty drained mentally and physically.

Cindy, whose full-time occupation is teaching science to rambunctious middle schoolers, was absolutely great with our son. They bonded quite nicely. I am so happy that she has a sense of humor because my cat kinda sorta had “wet” gas all over her expensive white shirt. It was quite disgusting. We have recently begun to feed our cat Fi Fi wet food (Fancy Feast) because we feel that he is a bit bony, despite eating like a horse. I guess Fancy Feast is coming off the daily menu. Cindy was fabulous about the situation, I was ready to cry, Doug and Dale were laughing hysterically and Kaleb was dumbfounded and speechless. I can look back now and laugh, but by george…what an experience.

I’m off to relax with a nice book in the peace and quiet. The son is ready for bed and the husband is burning the midnight oil again…so it’s just me, myself and I. What a way to rejuvenate and recharge from my day.

I often get asked, “Aren’t you embarrassed or ashamed to publicly call yourself an introvert?” My reply is always, “Are you ashamed of who you are?”

In my research I found several famous introverts who I highly doubt are ashamed of themselves and who also share my personality type of INFP. They include John F. Kennedy, Jr., Julia Roberts, Lisa Kudrow, Helen Keller, Tom Brokaw, Dick Clark and William Shakespeare. The accomplishments of each of these individuals is great and do not fit, in any way shape or form, what the general public views as introversion.

Ashamed of myself? I think not! Heck I’m in the same brotherhood as JFK and Julia Roberts.

Today is one of those days where I am just blah. Nothing profound is coming out of my mouth today, unless you count barking out orders as “profound”. Here I am sitting in Virginia surrounded by my family and one of my best friends and I can do is sit back sullen because I want take a huge set of pliers to my tooth. Man does it hurt. Ambesol is no longer rescuing me from this incessant pain. It’s not their fault that I’m not feeling well, yet I seem to be taking it out on them. What a friend/wife/mother right? Why was I blessed with the gift of making the lives of my family and friends a living…I won’t go there. But seriously I am not a queen, contrary to what I may think. I am just a simple person who has the ability to at times treat the people I care about the most like crud.

I recently took the Enneagram and scored as an Individualist or Number 4 which basically characterizes what I wrote above. I’m thinking back to an old episode of Seinfeld where Jerry had to go on the Today Show to promote his comedy tour, but Kramer’s girlfriend, the quiet talker convinced him to wear a pirate shirt. Jerry whines over and over again, “but I don’t want to be a pirate!” I hear myself uttering over and over again, “but I don’t want to be a number four!”

Tomorrow is another day. I’m off to apologize to my family and my BFF.